Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Decisions Decisions!

I pretty much describe myself as a teeter-totter when it comes to decisions, in several ways.  I hate some decisions, but others just require a simple "yes" or "no".  I picture my 8 year-old self at the old Jail Park in Wausau, my butt firmly planted on that splintering yellow piece of wood, gripping the worn, red iron handles, and straining back to keep all of my weight on the ground, to keep from being rocketed into the air.  I don't like danger (failure), or the risk of danger (failure), or even the possibility of the risk of danger (failure).  I like to know all the angles of some decisions, to be thoroughly informed - to know that the person on the other side won't quick push back up, or worse - jump off, leaving me free-falling back to earth.  But if I'm completely trusting that other person, if all the details appear secure, I am all for launching myself up quite willingly and feeling that soaring - almost flying - sensation.  And once I make a decision I rarely waver on it.  All or nothing.  I don't like re-evaluating previous decisions, determining if it was the right decision, if it could have been done differently, etc.  What's done is done.  Keep moving forward (or upward, or outward - just not backward, please).  
Right now, I feel like I am that same little kid on that teeter-totter, knees bent and feet gripping the ground.  That twittery-nervous feeling in my stomach (seriously - I have that twittery-nervous feeling in my stomach), just before take-off.  I see myself warily looking across the plank at God, wondering if He's trustworthy.  Will this be a fun adventure?  Or will I plummet back to the ground, roll off, and fall on my face?  Will this be a time of building up, or a hard lesson in humility?  Either way, at least He's on the playground.

3 comments:

Jim and Jenn King said...

I'm praying...don't know what for so I'm doing the general...wisdom, patience thing. Thanks again for the "happiness". They soothed me through a couple of hours last night.

Angie said...

i am praying too...decisions are tough...but you're so right God is a part of them.

Angie said...

Oh, and if it is any help...when I am teater-tottering I often write out a list of pros and cons and pray with it...often the Lord has worked through some of my fears and anxiety in doing so. And I come to realize what it is that I am afraid of and unwilling to trust Him with completly.